The Journey Begins

Breathe… and type. Okay, I have not made a website or a blog in years. The last one I had was my now unused, and probably should be deleted, Tumblr page. I am scared that this blog will be found by someone, anyone and be read, but I think I’m more scared that it won’t be seen by anyone. No matter though, I’m doing this for a reason and I will persevere since I made this site specifically for me to scream into the ether.

I’m a writer, sort of, well I am, but I just do not like to call myself any specific thing. My brain has a defined image of the types of people that deserve certain labels. In my mind I’ve always seen writers and poets and singers and anyone who has claim to the title of a specific profession as someone prolific and recognised in their fields, or basically anyone other than myself. So when I recently decided to start exploring the options available to self-publish my writing, I had many, many, many, many moments of self-doubt. As a result, I’ve been procrastinating, and researching, and thinking of reasons to publish and a multitude of reasons not to publish. After a moment of self-reflection I realised that as long as I am the only person who knows that I want to do this, then I have nothing to lose in chickening out. Who would know? Well, I would and I’ll feel like the biggest hypocrite on the planet since I’m always cheering on my friends. I believe in everyone I know and their abilities, how can I do that if I don’t believe in even the slightest bit that I can do any of this? Even bigger question, how can I ever publish anything I’ve ever written if I can’t even share a blog post, that might not even ever be read? I need to learn to express myself and be heard without reservation, because when I do publish, when someone finally reads it, I will ave no control of what their response will be. That absolutely TERRIFIES me, but I refuse to live away from fear. I’ve always lived by the idea of leaning into my discomfort because once I’ve faced it then it’s over. It might not end in a way I’d like, but at least I’ll know.

So I made a plan, and step 1 was creating this site {Yay me! little dance of victory because why not?}. Step 2 is writing the first post {if this gets saved then woohoo for another victory!}. Step 3, is gradually silencing the doubts in my brain and getting used to my words being shared with the world so I stop overthinking it all {this is going to be the hard part}. I write (and talk to myself) to work through things. Getting my thoughts makes them real and I have friends who will be willing to listen and motivate, but they can’t make me take action. I need to be accountable to more than myself and to make real progress towards my goals.

The final goal (spoken aloud for the first time) is to have a version of my book, published somewhere and shared here. Until that point Welcome to my blog. Be honest, but be kind in all things, but especially here if you decide to comment. ^_^