It’s been a long time since I’ve been on this site. I only recently remembered I had started this blog because someone asked if I had a website where we could connect. It’s been a wild 4 or so years since I last made a post. COVID happened of course and everyone’s world took a hit here or there. There was just so much loss, so much sadness, so much anger, but in between it all there was some joy and some hope. In my own World from 2019 to now there were lots of tears and joy, I caught feelings and let them go, saw some relationships grow and others fall apart, there were so many weddings, way too many funerals, and oh so many babies that came along to remind us of all the possibilities of this World.
In between all of that, I stopped writing for a while. I just couldn’t bring myself to feel and connect enough to express anything and that’s a hard thing for someone whose primary forms of communication are music and poetry. I let my anxiety and fear take over so I just needed to live and survive for the last few years. Recently, I went and tripped and fell in love (1/5 stars, do not recommend unless you’re a secure human), then proceeded to let myself be vulnerable and broke my own heart but somehow still in love. Aside from that, the most important thing to happen this year was realising that I needed to start feeling my feelings again. Not just understanding and rationalizing them, but really sitting in them and letting them run their full course. Healing isn’t done in silence, you can lay the groundwork by yourself and think that you’re at peace, but it’s in your relationships and in the human interactions that you get to see how much you’ve really grown, or not. I’m laughing as I type this because I really don’t like feelings, but the one good thing that has come from opening the floodgates and trying to get back in touch with my soul to work through everything that I’ve been pushing aside in the last few years is that I am writing again.
Because I’m writing again the book that was in my soul begging to get out is hollering at me. She is a needy heifer, and she demands to be heard and the Universe seems to agree with her. Somewhere in between falling in love and figuring out that my anxiety wasn’t actually under control, I was just not triggered as much outside of my previously mentioned situationship, I picked up a pen (really it was my iPad) and started typing. I forgot how good it felt to say what you needed to say even if no one else ever bothered to listen. Just getting the words out of my own head, making it all real and somewhat tangible felt like I had regurgitated a brick that had been squeezing itself down my throat.
It was around the time when I had just started to try expressing myself again that I found out about and I signed up for Luvvie’s Book Academy, thanks to the gently loving bullying of one of my best friends. So, things are full circle, I’m back in front of my laptop restarting a blog I started years ago to say yet again that I am going to try to publish my book. The dream is the same, I do believe there are other young women out there who are working through similar things that I have in my life who also feel lost and unheard, and I’m hoping that if even one person feels seen in my words, then it will be worth it to share them. I think this time that it really is time, so I just need to buckle up and settle in for the ride.
I Wrote A Thing 