Searching

The thing about writing a book of old poetry is that it requires you to take the time to revisit those old poems.  It’s somewhat bittersweet delving into those memories and revisiting that version of myself. It’s also a little eye opening to realize that no matter how much I change, I still somehow stay the same.  I have grown, matured, and may have a better handle on my temper and emotions, but at my core, I am still an overly loving, overly loyal human with far more empathy than common sense.  I’m still willing to fight for the people I love; I still feel far too deeply whenever I let others in and because of that I am extremely cautious about letting people in. Anyway, here’s an older poem I found that made me chuckle because the entire relationship referenced was such a mess but damn, I loved this poem when I finally got it out. Also, I seemed to have some kind of beef against punctuation at that time, but that cleanup will be for the poems that get to be in the final product, for this blog I’ll just leave them as they’re saved for now.  ^_^

The Poem: “Searching”

Where are you?
When I need you
When my body craves your touch
My ears long for your voice
My lips quiver for your taste
My mind replays our last meeting

Where are you?
When I need your comfort
Need your love
Your gentle stroke
Your caring caress
Your words to soothe
Your kiss to linger

Where are you?
Where were you?
When I was lost and needed your light
When I was tired and needed your support
Where were you when I was weary and broken
When I had given up
Lost all hope
Lost my way
Lost myself and needed you
Needed guidance
Needed strength
Needed more than you were willing to give

You weren’t there
Were never there
Not because you wanted to be
Not because I called on you
Screamed your name
As the darkness suffocated me
Closed in and consumed me
You weren’t there when I needed you
You weren’t there when I wanted you
So I don’t call on you now
Call for you no more
You didn’t look for me when I was lost
So I don’t need you now that I’m found

July 15, 2009